And another thing...

Sundays (and Saturday afternoons, too) suck. They are days that are destined for spending time with your loved one. And when you don't HAVE a loved one (anymore), those moments simply suck. How to fill the emotional black hole that cruelly sucks you in? No book can distract you from the loss of warmth. Not even your favourite music can keep the memories from avalanching onto your uncovered, unprotected, unarmed soul. Spending time with friends seems to be the only alternative - now while it doesn't cure completely it's definitely healthy and lifts you up. Especially when they're dear compassionate friends who comprehend your situation. Either way... sometimes it seems like putting a small adhesive plaster on a gaping flesh wound - a lovely idea but noneffective in the end. Still it's better than to spend your time alone.

If I'll ever put an end to it all it'll most probably be on a Sunday. Then again, ending it all doesn't help either, that's the problem! The only thing it does is hurt others. Let's jump back to the previous blog entry - even if there WERE an afterlife-place it wouldn't be the way to go anyway! Of course the loss of love can be the most horrible phase to go through in life! But at least you can still be in places that feel like home. Spend time with people who you know and who know you. Do things you've always done and be the one you've always been.

Now imagine!

Imagine what it would be like to journey into the afterlife from where you can watch your old home and the people that once were your friends and relatives. You could watch them, maybe hear them talk, watch them spend their time. But you couldn't go there anymore. Wouldn't that be a hell of a lot worse? I think so. Especially when you would see them suffer and cry and grow disconsolate.


So get a grip. Chin up as much as you can. Open up to people so that they can lift you up. Listen to Muse's "Origin Of Symmetry" and maybe IQ's "Frequency" (in case they don't remind you of your lost relationship). Get a good cup of English tea, grab that favourite blanket, plant yourself on your couch and sweep the dust off the good old "Friends"-DVDs. Whatever it is you're doing - just get a fucking grip.

"Spend the days with all my friends
They're the ones on whom my life depends
Gonna miss them when the series ends..."
("Prodigal", Porcupine Tree)

Note to myself: the autobiographical aspect of blog entries is too damn obvious. Stop that. TL;DR, TMI, exposure, vulnerability and stuff.